Love in the Quran and Sunnah

There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger

Love in the Quran and Sunnah

Abu Amina Elias • January 7, 2014

By Abu Amina Elias

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Allah the Exalted said:

قُلْ إِن كُنتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ اللَّهَ فَاتَّبِعُونِي يُحْبِبْكُمُ اللَّهُ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ

Say: If you should love Allah, then follow me. Allah will love you and forgive you your sins, for Allah is forgiving and merciful.

Surah Ali Imran 3:31

And Allah said:

وَأَحْسِنُوا إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ

Be good. Verily, Allah loves those who are good.

Surah Al-Baqarah 2:195

And Allah said:

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ سَيَجْعَلُ لَهُمُ الرَّحْمَٰنُ وُدًّا

Verily, for those who have believed and done righteous deeds, the Most Merciful will appoint for them affection.

Surah Maryam 19:96

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

لَا يُؤْمِنُ أَحَدُكُمْ حَتَّى يُحِبَّ لِأَخِيهِ أَوْ قَالَ لِجَارِهِ مَا يُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِهِ

None of you has faith until he loves for his brother or his neighbor what he loves for himself.

Source: Sahih Bukhari 13, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi

Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

مَنْ أَحَبَّ أَنْ يُزَحْزَحَ عَنْ النَّارِ وَيَدْخُلَ الْجَنَّةَ فَلْتُدْرِكْهُ مَنِيَّتُهُ وَهُوَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَيَأْتِي إِلَى النَّاسِ مَا يُحِبُّ أَنْ يُؤْتَى إِلَيْهِ

Whoever would love to be delivered from the Hellfire and entered into Paradise, then let him die with faith in Allah and the Last Day and let him treat the people the way he would love to be treated.

Source: Sahih Muslim 1844, Grade: Sahih

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

لَا تَدْخُلُونَ الْجَنَّةَ حَتَّى تُؤْمِنُوا وَلَا تُؤْمِنُوا حَتَّى تَحَابُّوا أَوَلَا أَدُلُّكُمْ عَلَى شَيْءٍ إِذَا فَعَلْتُمُوهُ تَحَابَبْتُمْ أَفْشُوا السَّلَامَ بَيْنَكُمْ

You will not enter Paradise until you believe and you will not believe until you love each other. Shall I show you something that, if you did, you would love each other? Spread peace between yourselves.

Source: Sahih Muslim 54, Grade: Sahih

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَقُولُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ أَيْنَ الْمُتَحَابُّونَ بِجَلَالِي الْيَوْمَ أُظِلُّهُمْ فِي ظِلِّي يَوْمَ لَا ظِلَّ إِلَّا ظِلِّي

Verily, Allah will say on the Day of Resurrection: Where are those who love each other for the sake of My glory? Today, I will shelter them in My shade, a Day when there is no shade but Mine.

Source: Sahih Muslim 2566, Grade: Sahih

Mu’adh ibn Jabal reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

قَالَ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ الْمُتَحَابُّونَ فِي جَلَالِي لَهُمْ مَنَابِرُ مِنْ نُورٍ يَغْبِطُهُمْ النَّبِيُّونَ وَالشُّهَدَاءُ

Allah the Exalted said: Those who love each other for the sake of My glory will be upon pulpits of light and they will be envied by the prophets and the martyrs.

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2390, Grade: Sahih

Mu’adh ibn Jabal reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

 قَالَ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ وَجَبَتْ مَحَبَّتِي لِلْمُتَحَابِّينَ فِيَّ وَالْمُتَجَالِسِينَ فِيَّ وَالْمُتَزَاوِرِينَ فِيَّ وَالْمُتَبَاذِلِينَ فِيَّ

Allah the Exalted said: My love is obligatory for those who love each other for My sake, who sit together for My sake, who visit each other for My sake, who spend on each other for My sake.

Source: Musnad Ahmad 21525, Grade: Sahih

Umar ibn Al-Khattab reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

إِنَّ مِنْ عِبَادِ اللَّهِ لَأُنَاسًا مَا هُمْ بِأَنْبِيَاءَ وَلَا شُهَدَاءَ يَغْبِطُهُمْ الْأَنْبِيَاءُ وَالشُّهَدَاءُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ بِمَكَانِهِمْ مِنْ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى

Verily, there are some people among the servants of Allah who are neither prophets nor martyrs, but whom the prophets are martyrs will envy due to their status on the Day of Resurrection.

They said, “O Messenger of Allah, tell us who they are.” The Prophet said:

هُمْ قَوْمٌ تَحَابُّوا بِرُوحِ اللَّهِ عَلَى غَيْرِ أَرْحَامٍ بَيْنَهُمْ وَلَا أَمْوَالٍ يَتَعَاطَوْنَهَا فَوَاللَّهِ إِنَّ وُجُوهَهُمْ لَنُورٌ وَإِنَّهُمْ عَلَى نُورٍ لَا يَخَافُونَ إِذَا خَافَ النَّاسُ وَلَا يَحْزَنُونَ إِذَا حَزِنَ النَّاسُ

They are people who love each other with the spirit of Allah, not because of family relations or wealth. By Allah, there will be light on their faces and they will be upon light. They will have no fear when the people are afraid and they will not be sad when the people are grieved.

Source: Sunan Abu Dawud 3527, Grade: Sahih

Az-Zubair ibn Awwam reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

دَبَّ إِلَيْكُمْ دَاءُ الْأُمَمِ قَبْلَكُمْ الْحَسَدُ وَالْبَغْضَاءُ هِيَ الْحَالِقَةُ لَا أَقُولُ تَحْلِقُ الشَّعَرَ وَلَكِنْ تَحْلِقُ الدِّينَ وَالَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ لَا تَدْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ حَتَّى تُؤْمِنُوا وَلَا تُؤْمِنُوا حَتَّى تَحَابُّوا أَفَلَا أُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا يُثَبِّتُ ذَاكُمْ لَكُمْ أَفْشُوا السَّلَامَ بَيْنَكُمْ

There have come to you the diseases of the nations before you: envy and hatred, and hatred is the razor. It shaves the religion and it does not shave hair. By the one in whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I tell you something which, if you did, you would love each other? Spread peace between yourselves.

Source: Musnad Ahmad 1415, Grade: Sahih

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

وَأَحِبَّ لِلنَّاسِ مَا تُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِكَ تَكُنْ مُؤْمِنًا وَأَحْسِنْ جِوَارَ مَنْ جَاوَرَكَ تَكُنْ مُسْلِمًا

Love for the people what you love for yourself and you will be a believer. Behave well with your neighbors and you will be a Muslim.

Source: Sunan Ibn Majah 4217, Source: Sahih

Khalid ibn Abdullah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

أَتُحِبُّ الْجَنَّةَ

Do you love Paradise?

They said, “Yes.” The Prophet said:

فَأَحِبَّ لِأَخِيكَ مَا تُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِكَ

Then love for your brother what you love for yourself.

Source: Musnad Ahmad 16219, Grade: Sahih li ghayri

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

رَجُلًا زَارَ أَخًا لَهُ فِي قَرْيَةٍ أُخْرَى فَأَرْصَدَ اللَّهُ لَهُ عَلَى مَدْرَجَتِهِ مَلَكًا فَلَمَّا أَتَى عَلَيْهِ قَالَ أَيْنَ تُرِيدُ قَالَ أُرِيدُ أَخًا لِي فِي هَذِهِ الْقَرْيَةِ قَالَ هَلْ لَكَ عَلَيْهِ مِنْ نِعْمَةٍ تَرُبُّهَا قَالَ لَا غَيْرَ أَنِّي أَحْبَبْتُهُ فِي اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ قَالَ فَإِنِّي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ إِلَيْكَ بِأَنَّ اللَّهَ قَدْ أَحَبَّكَ كَمَا أَحْبَبْتَهُ فِيهِ

A man set out to visit his brother from another town and Allah sent an angel to him. When the man met the angel, he was asked: Where are you going? The man said: I am visiting my brother in this town. The angel said: Are you returning a favor? He said: No, I have desire to visit him except that I love him for the sake of Allah the Exalted. The angel said: I am a messenger from Allah to tell you that Allah loves you as you love him.

Source: Sahih Muslim 2567, Grade: Sahih

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ إِذَا أَحَبَّ عَبْدًا دَعَا جِبْرِيلَ فَقَالَ إِنِّي أُحِبُّ فُلَانًا فَأَحِبَّهُ قَالَ فَيُحِبُّهُ جِبْرِيلُ ثُمَّ يُنَادِي فِي السَّمَاءِ فَيَقُولُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ فُلَانًا فَأَحِبُّوهُ فَيُحِبُّهُ أَهْلُ السَّمَاءِ قَالَ ثُمَّ يُوضَعُ لَهُ الْقَبُولُ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَإِذَا أَبْغَضَ عَبْدًا دَعَا جِبْرِيلَ فَيَقُولُ إِنِّي أُبْغِضُ فُلَانًا فَأَبْغِضْهُ قَالَ فَيُبْغِضُهُ جِبْرِيلُ ثُمَّ يُنَادِي فِي أَهْلِ السَّمَاءِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُبْغِضُ فُلَانًا فَأَبْغِضُوهُ قَالَ فَيُبْغِضُونَهُ ثُمَّ تُوضَعُ لَهُ الْبَغْضَاءُ فِي الْأَرْضِ

When Allah loves a servant, He calls Gabriel and says: Verily, I love this person so you should love him. Then Gabriel loves him and makes an announcement in the heavens, saying: Allah loves this person and you should love him. Thus, the dwellers of the heavens love him and he is honored in the earth. When Allah is angry with a servant, He calls Gabriel and says: I have resentment for this person, so you should resent him. Then Gabriel is resentful towards him and makes an announcement in the heavens, saying: Verily, Allah is resentful with this person, so you should resent him. Thus, they become resentful with him and he is hated in the earth.

Source: Sahih Muslim 2637, Grade: Sahih

Ibn Abbas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

 لَمْ نَرَ لِلْمُتَحَابَّيْنِ مِثْلَ النِّكَاحِ

We do not see for those who love one another anything like marriage.

Source: Sunan Ibn Majah 1847, Grade: Sahih li ghayri

Abu Umamah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

مَنْ أَحَبَّ لِلَّهِ وَأَبْغَضَ لِلَّهِ وَأَعْطَى لِلَّهِ وَمَنَعَ لِلَّهِ فَقَدْ اسْتَكْمَلَ الْإِيمَانَ

Whoever loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, gives for the sake of Allah, and withholds for the sake of Allah has perfected the faith.

Source: Sunan Abu Dawud 4681, Grade: Sahih

Mu’adh ibn Anas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

أَفْضَلُ الْإِيمَانِ أَنْ تُحِبَّ لِلَّهِ وَتُبْغِضَ فِي اللَّهِ وَتُعْمِلَ لِسَانَكَ فِي ذِكْرِ اللَّهِ

The best faith is to love for the sake of Allah, to hate for the sake of Allah, and to work your tongue in the remembrance of Allah.

Mu’adh said, “What is it, O Messenger of Allah?” The Prophet said:

وَأَنْ تُحِبَّ لِلنَّاسِ مَا تُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِكَ وَتَكْرَهَ لَهُمْ مَا تَكْرَهُ لِنَفْسِكَ وَأَنْ تَقُولَ خَيْرًا أَوْ تَصْمُتَ

That you love for the people what you love for yourself, and you hate for the people what you hate for yourself, and that you speak goodness or remain silent.

Source: Musnad Ahmad 21627, Grade: Hasan

Miqdam ibn M’adi reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

إِذَا أَحَبَّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَخَاهُ فَلْيُعْلِمْهُ إِيَّاهُ

When one of you loves his brother, then let him know.

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2392, Grade: Sahih

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

أَحْبِبْ حَبِيبَكَ هَوْنًا مَا عَسَى أَنْ يَكُونَ بَغِيضَكَ يَوْمًا مَا وَأَبْغِضْ بَغِيضَكَ هَوْنًا مَا عَسَى أَنْ يَكُونَ حَبِيبَكَ يَوْمًا مَا

Love your beloved moderately, for perhaps he will become hateful to you someday. Hate the one you hate moderately, for perhaps he will become your beloved someday.

Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1997, Grade: Sahih

Zaid ibn Aslam reported: Umar ibn Al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, said:

لا يَكُنْ حُبُّكَ كَلَفًا وَلا بُغْضُكَ تَلَفًا

Let not your love be infatuation and let not your hatred be destruction.

It was said, “How is this?” Umar said:

إِذَا أَحْبَبْتَ كَلِفْتَ كَلَفَ الصَّبِيِّ وَإِذَا أَبْغَضْتَ أَحْبَبْتَ لِصَاحِبِكَ التَّلَفَ

When you love someone, you become infatuated like a child. When you hate someone, you love destruction for your companion.

Source: Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 1322, Grade: Sahih

Ibn Rajab said:

  قَالَ بَعْضُ الصَّالِحِينَ مِنَ السَّلَفِ أَهْلُ الْمَحَبَّةِ لِلَّهِ نَظَرُوا بِنُورِ اللَّهِ وَعَطَفُوا عَلَى أَهْلِ مَعَاصِي اللَّهِ مَقَتُوا أَعْمَالَهُمْ وَعَطَفُوا عَلَيْهِمْ لِيُزِيلُوهُمْ بِالْمَوَاعِظِ عَنْ فِعَالِهِمْ وَأَشْفَقُوا عَلَى أَبْدَانِهِمْ مِنَ النَّارِ وَلَا يَكُونُ الْمُؤْمِنُ مُؤْمِنًا حَقًّا حَتَّى يَرْضَى لِلنَّاسِ مَا يَرْضَاهُ لِنَفْسِهِ

Some of the righteous predecessors said: The people who love Allah look by the light of Allah, and they are compassionate with those who disobey Allah. They hate their actions but show mercy to them so that through their admonitions they might leave their actions. They are afraid that the Hellfire will consume their bodies. The believer will not truly be a believer until he is pleased for people to have what he is pleased for himself.

Source: Jami’ Ulum wal-Hikam 13

An-Nawawi said:

 يشمل الكافر والمسلم فيحب لأخيه الكافر مايحب لنفسه من دخوله في الإسلام كما يحب لأخيه المسلم دوامه على الإسلام ولهذا كان الدعاء بالهداية للكافر مستحبا والمراد بالمحبة إرادة الخير والمنفعة ثم المراد المحبة الدينية لا المحبة البشرية

A Muslim should love for his brother, the disbeliever, what he loves for himself which is his entering Islam, just as he should love for his brother Muslim that he remains in Islam. For this reason, it is recommended to supplicate for the disbeliever to be guided. The meaning of love here is an intention for good and benefit, and this meaning is religious love, not human love.

Source: Sharh Arba’een An-Nawawi

Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.

Question :What does Islam say about falling in love? Is that allowed in Islam? If it is yes, how could we show that to the person we love without causing fitnah?

Answer: Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Usually, we love for the sake of Allah and we hate for the sake of Allah. Islam teaches us that a male and female can build up a good relationship founded on marriage.

We do not say love is halal or haram because it is a feeling. Maybe it is not under control. You can judge what is under control. But people who fall in love are in many episodes away from the cleansed and pure atmosphere.

Marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection. That affection grows after marriage and maybe it will grow until the couples continue their companionship at the Jannah.

If you have any affection towards a person, you should ask yourself: why do you like that person? If you have good Islamic, reasonable justification, then you need not tell that person of what you feel. However, you can make a serious plan to make him ask for your hand. If you want to know the meaning of fitna, a great part of it is what people nowadays call love or romance.

In this context, we’d like to cite the following fatwa that clarifies the Islamic ruling on falling in love:

“If we are speaking about the emotion which we call “love” then we are simply speaking of a feeling. What we feel toward a particular person is not of great importance, until our feeling is expressed in a particular action. Now if that action is permissible, then well and good. If it is forbidden, then we have incurred something that Allah does not approve of. If it is love between a man and a woman, the emotion itself is not the subject of questioning on the Day of Judgment. If you feel you love someone, then you cannot control your feeling. If that love prompts you to try to see that person in secret and to give expression to your feelings in actions permissible only within the bond of marriage then what you are doing is forbidden.”

Shedding more light on the issue in point we’d like to cite the words of Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He states:

In Islam, it is not a sin if you feel a special affinity or inclination towards a certain individual since human beings have no control on such natural inclinations. We are, however, definitely responsible and accountable if we get carried away by such feelings and take specific actions or steps that might be deemed as haram (forbidden).

As far as male and female interaction is concerned, Islam dictates strict rules: It forbids all forms of ‘dating’ and isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex, as well indiscriminate mingling and mixing.

If, however, one does none of the above, and all that he or she wants is to seriously consider marrying someone, such a thing itself is not considered haram. In fact, Islam encourages us to marry persons for whom we have special feelings and affinity. Thus, Islam recommends that potential marriage partners see one another before proposing marriage. Explaining the reason for such a recommendation, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “That would enhance/foster the bonding.”

This permission notwithstanding, we are advised against getting carried away by merely the outward appearances of a person; these may be quite misleading. Marriage is a life-long partnership and a person’s real worth is determined not by his or her physical looks, but more so by the inner person or character. Hence, after having mentioned that people ordinarily look for beauty, wealth and family in a marriage partner, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised us to consider primarily “the religious or character factor” over and above all other considerations.

Islam does not allow any illicit relationship between a man and a woman. Allaah has established marriage as the legitimate means for satisfying sexual desire, and through marriage a man and woman form a family based on the laws of Allaah, and their children are legitimate. In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. To have a boyfriend or girlfriend, no matter the level of interaction and involvement, is completely haraam!

Contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Sharee’ah is filled with evidence which indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said:

“I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly or if the man contacts woman directly, this is may leads to fitnah (temptation).

Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh

The permissible ways to get the one whom you loves are sufficient i.e

contact the wali or the gaurdian of the person whom you desire to marry, there is no need for haraam means, but we make it hard for ourselves and the shaytaan takes advantage of that.

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No religion urges its followers to adopt mutual love, affection and intimacy like the religion of Islam. This should be the case at all times, not just on specific days. Islam encourages showing affection and love towards each other all the time. In a Hadeeth (narration), the Prophet, , said: "When a man loves his brother, he should tell him that he loves him." [Abu Daawood and At-Tirmithi]

In another Hadeeth, he said: "By Him in Whose Hand my soul is, you will not enter Paradise unless you believe, and you will not believe unlessyou love each other.Should I direct you to something that if you constantly did it, you wouldlove each other? Spread the greetings of peace among you." [Muslim]

Moreover, the Muslim's affection includes inanimate beings. Talking about the Mountain of Uhud, the Prophet, said: "This is Uhud, a mountain which loves us and we love it." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Love in Islam is all-encompassing, comprehensive and sublime, rather than being restricted to one form only, which is love between a man and a woman. Rather, there are more comprehensive, wider and sublime meanings. There is love for Allah The Almighty, the Messenger of Allah, , the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, and the love of good and righteous people. There is love of the religion of Islam, upholding it and making it victorious and the love of martyrdom for the sake of Allah The Almighty as well as other forms of love. Consequently, it is wrong and dangerous to restrict the broad meaning of love to this type of love only.

A successful marital and family life is based on love and compassion:

Perhaps some people are influenced by what is relentlessly propagated by the media, movies and TV serials, day and night, thinking that a marriage will not be successful unless it is based on a pre-marital relationship between the young couple to achieve perfect harmony between them and secure a successful marital life.

Not only this, many people are also influenced by the call to intermixing between the two sexes, lewdness as well as many other moral deviations. This leads to great corruption and grave crimes as well as the violation of sanctities and honor. I will not refute this allegation from this point of view, but through real studies and figures. 

In a study carried out by Cairo University (a university of neutral orientation; which is not an Islamic authority to be subject to doubt of being biased) about what it called “love marriage” and “traditional marriage”, the following was concluded:

According to the study, 88 percent of marriages which take place after a love affair end with failure, i.e., with a success rate of not more than 12 percent. As for what it called “the traditional marriage”, according to the study, 70 percent are successful.

In other words, the number of successful marriages in the so-called traditional marriage is six times more than love marriages. [Risaalah Ila Mu’minah]

This study is confirmed by another similar one carried out by Syracuse University in the U.S. The study indicates beyond doubt that love or passion is not a guarantee for a successful marriage; rather, it often leads to failure. The alarming rates of divorce assert these facts.

Commenting on this phenomenon, Professor Saul Gordon, a lecturer at the aforementioned University said, "When you are in love; to you the whole world revolves around this person whom you love. Marriage then comes to prove the opposite and destroy all your perceptions. This is because you discover that there are other worlds that you have to be aware of. It is not the world of humans, but the world of concepts, values and habits which you paid no attention to before."[Ibid]

Frederick Koenig, a professor of social psychology at Tulane University, says, "Romantic love is very strong and emotional, but does not last, while real love is linked to the land and life and can withstand trials." He adds, "It is impossible that one adapts the powerful emotions in romantic love. This love seems like a cake, a person enjoys eating it [while it lasts], then it is followed by the period of downfall. While real love means sharing the concerns of daily life and cooperation for it to continue. Within the framework of this cooperation, one can achieve his human need." [Al-Qabas Newspaper: Quoted from Risaalah Ila Hawwaa’]

The love which the writer talks about and calls “real life” was expressed in the Quran as affection. Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {And of His Signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.} [Quran 30: 21]

The relationship between spouses is based on affection and mercy, not on ardent love, desire and passion. It is a relationship which is based on quiet love (affection) and mutual mercy, not illusions of love which fail to withstand reality or romantic fantasies which fail to create a successful marriage.

How knowledgeable was ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, may Allah be pleased with him, when he addressed women and said, "If one of you does not love her husband, she should not tell him about this, because only a few homes are based on love; rather, people live together by virtue of good morals and Islam."

Nevertheless, this does not mean that we call to neglect emotions between spouses or bury feelings and sentiments between them.

The Messenger of Allah, , gave us the best example of loving his wives. It was narrated in the pure Sunnah (tradition) that the Prophet, , was careful to put his mouth on the same place from which his wife ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, drank. During his final illness, he used her Siwaak (tooth stick) and died while he was reclined against her chest, between her neck and bosom. What kind of love is nobler and more sublime than this?